


Helium Hearts

by jakepurralta



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: F/M, My first B99 fic so help me God
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-11
Updated: 2015-02-11
Packaged: 2018-03-11 22:32:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3335207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jakepurralta/pseuds/jakepurralta
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Little Isabella deserves the best birthday party money can buy and Amy will make sure of that. What she doesn't know, however, is that the guy she hires to joke around and entertain the kids is more her type than she would have ever thought.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Amy was a neat person. She absolutely loved categorizing objects and ensuring that certain events happened according to a schedule she'd gladly write down. That is why she was more often than not the sole person responsible for any family events that occured, and she enjoyed every second of it.

  
The upcoming event was quite special to her older brother, Anthony. His daughter was just about to turn 10 and he was planning to throw her the biggest party she could ever dream of. He had the financial means and Isabella was more than worth it. Due to her job and the fact that she was so committed to it, Amy didn't see Isabella all that often but when she did, the little girl was always warm and open, like not a single day has passed since the two had last seen each other.

  
So naturally, Amy almost felt obligated to fulfill her brother's wish. She even took a week off to fully focus on her task. She did attempt to lie to Holt about it inititally, but after the dentist incident he found it easy to see through it pretty much instantly. Before allowing her the week off, he'd called her into his office to voice his disappointment in her and Amy vowed to never lie to him again, damn near falling to her knees in the process.

  
But as much as Amy liked to plan everything beforehand, there were certain things that were out of her control. Just four days before the party, she received a call from Hire-A-Clown.com with a genuinely apologetic lady on the other end informing her that the clown of her choice had an illness he wasn't very likely to recover from in time.

  
Sigh. Amy had no control of the powerful huff that exited her body, and she wearily rubbed her temples. "Where am I supposed to find a clown in such short notice?"

  
"Unfortunately, we're completely booked for the weekend," The woman on the other side of the line maintained her polite and informative tone. "but have you tried other forms of entertainment? I could give you the number of a woman who arranges birthday dances for children. She'll bring her own music and get all the kids on their feet. It's fun and healthy!"

  
"I'm sorry, I'm afraid the birthday girl isn't much of a dancer. She's a little shy. I'd prefer something that allows her to just sit down and relax."

  
"Hm, well, we are partners with some different entertainment companies that you could try. I don't know if they'll be available within four days, but there's no harm in asking."

  
"I suppose I could. Okay, I'll do that." Amy answered, (hopefully) sounding a little livelier than before. It was clear that the woman felt sorry for her and did her best to offer help. Besides, it's not like clown Randy deliberately got himself sick to get out of her party.

  
After jotting down some phone numbers which the woman recited, Amy thanked her and hung up the phone, deciding that she wanted to Google the companies before giving any of them a call.

  
The first one was called Big Balloons - whatever thought it was that crept up inside her brain upon reading that name was one she instantly forced back, she was an _adult_ for crying out loud - and had offers for several types of parties. Their front page was filled with images of smiling kids and adults wearing flashy outfits shadowing them in the background. It had potential, so Amy clicked on the 'contact' tab. Unfortunately, a sentence in bold, red letters informed her that they were not able to accept new reservations for the coming two months. The excellent reviews that the site showed could've been an indicator.

  
She let out another annoyed huff and started typing the other name in her Google search bar: Smiley Kids. This was a company that was solely focused on children. Their website indicated that they had a somewhat smaller budget than the previous company, as well as the fact that they were relatively new. They didn't have many four of five star ratings to brag about.

  
However, Amy was not in a position where she could be picky. This was the second company in a list of three so she might as well call them and ask for some more information. She was about to pick up her cellphone when she heard a rhythmical knock on her door.

  
She rolled her eyes at that, though a small smile did appear on the corners of her mouth. That could only be one person. She got up from her desk chair and walked up to the door, not at all surprised to find her friend (???) Gina Linetti from work on her doorstep.

  
"What's up, _Santiaaago_?" the perky woman asked in a sing-song voice. She didn't allow Amy to respond to that and simply stepped forward to let herself in. "A little birdie told me that you're on the hunt for clowns, and I just had to get in on that."

  
Amy raised her eyebrows at that and closed the door. "What's up with you and clowns?"

  
"Hm... I don't know." Gina briefly closed her eyes and plopped down on Amy's couch, her mind going elsewhere. "I dated a guy like that many years ago. I was young and reckless. He was hot and clowning it up on the side. Men like that are usually quite experimental." She locked her eyes with Amy's still confused ones. "Y'know. In the sack."

  
Amy shook her head in disgust, raising her hand at the woman's explanation. "Yes, okay, I get it. And you've got it all wrong, Gina. I am looking for an entertainer for my 10-year-old niece. That could be a clown or someone else. I am definitely not looking for a clown like that."

  
Gina murmured something inaudible (it could've been "just keep telling yourself that"). "Well, you definitely should. 10/10, I'd highly recommend it."

  
Amy crossed her arms defensively. (Was she a prude? She liked old school sex. Not that she'd ever tell Gina that.) "If you're just going to sit here and talk about sexual clowns, I'd like to politely ask you to leave. I have to find someone who's willing to attend a birthday party consisting of at least fifty people before this Saturday."

  
"Okaaay!" Gina rose to her feet. "Take a chill pill, _Jill_. That's also why I'm here. I know a guy."

  
"Oh. Nuh-uh. There have been many times when you've told me that 'you know a guy' and they've almost never ended up well. Remember that time when you set me up with that guy who got aroused by watching me pay my own bills? I'm all for female independence but that shit was just weird to watch. Also, when was the last time you've ever wanted to genuinely help me? We hang out all the time, but you love telling me you don't do that because you're bored."

  
"It's true, I don't help you very often because I simply," Gina exaggerated a shrug, "but this time it's a favor for a friend of mine. He really needs a job and I _will_ charge an administration fee."

  
"Administration fee?"

  
"Well, I'm gonna have to _call_ him, don't I? You know how I feel about _doing things_." There was a playful twinkle in Gina's eyes. "Don't worry, for you, I'll give you a special discount. It'll only cost you about $700."

  
"Gina..."

  
"Fine! $50 and the rest's for my _stupid_ friend. Who's not even my friend anyway. He just did something nice for me this one time and now he won't stop harassing me. He keeps saying that I have to do something nice in return."

  
Amy cocked an eyebrow at that, genuinely surprised. "Wait, is he... _guilt tripping_ you?"

  
" _Harassing_. H-A-R-ASS-ETCETERA. Come on, Santiago, you're enough of a nerd to know the difference between the two."

  
"And you expect me to want to hire someone who harasses you?"

  
"Yes, because clearly you are desperate." Gina gave Amy's left arm a loving (???) stroke before strutting off in the direction of her door. "But if you're not interested, just forget I was here, 'mkay? Toodles!"

  
Maybe Amy was desperate. She just loved Isabella to pieces, and she knew that Anthony expected nothing but perfection from his little sister. To have them both be disappointed in her would ruin her. "Wait!" she called out. "Fine. I'll call him. But I want to meet him first." Amy ignored the teasing 'ooohh' Gina let out.

Besides, she was kind of curious to meet the guy who was capable of guilt tripping Gina into doing him a favor.


	2. Chapter 2

Amy didn't know what she expected to see.

Actually, she didn't know much about the guy at all. Gina knew way more than she was willing to share but there was no way Amy could convince her to spill the beans a little. She wouldn't even tell her what the guy's name was. If it wasn't for the fact that Amy was a detective and she was damn confident in her ability to protect herself, she would've declined Gina's offer.

"Diiiid someone order an amazing clown slash magician slash genius?!" She looked up in surprise at the sudden outburst, her eyes connecting with a pair of beaming brown ones that peered back at her behind thick, round glasses. The man had disheveled brown hair that poked a little out of a hat that was way too small for him and a bright red nose covered his real one.

"What... are you wearing?" Amy could only say, saying what everyone else in the diner was thinking. He didn't seem to mind the fact that everyone's attention was on him, though.

"You did need someone to entertain small children for your upcoming party, right? If you want to know what I'd look like, this should give you a pretty good hint." The big smile on his face just simply would not become smaller, as he pointed a finger towards his nose. "Check it out, it flashes light and makes a sound when I squeeze it." He demonstrated by squeezing his nose, which resulted in a flashy red light and a honking sound.

More heads turned their way, and Amy was starting to feel very self-conscious. Was Gina just pulling a prank on her? She was so lost in thought trying to find an explanation for this strange encounter, that she almost missed his question. "Want to try it?" Amy focused her attention on the man in front of him again.

He pointed at his nose in excitement. She clearly heard someone muttering in the background "what a weirdo", and she shook her head. "No, I don't... want to touch your nose."

She slid down behind the table, and the man mimicked her actions. "Oh, almost forgot. I'm Jake." He held out his hand, and she was slightly surprised that he wasn't wearing some sort of silly gloves. "I'm, uh, Amy Santiago." She shook his hand and tried to recollect her thoughts. Clearly, this Jake guy is someone who'll easily rub off on kids. He's clearly _high on life_ \- wait, a happy-go-lucky type of guy and that's exactly what she wanted for the kids. Hell, maybe he'd even be able to get Isabella out of her shell a little. Even if he wouldn't be able to do that, Amy would already be more than happy with a little smile from the girl.

"So Gina tells me that you're looking for someone to liven up a children's birthday party." Jake started after a short silence. Amy was apparently still too flabbergasted to even try and lead the conversation.

"Yes." is all Amy could utter.

"Well, Amy Santiago, you've come to the right place. _Diiiid_ I mention I'm a genius?" His overly confident attitude seemed to bring her back to earth, and she made a face at him.

"Yes, you mentioned that pretty much right away. Honestly, I'm just looking for someone who's good with 10-year-olds and who's available this Saturday."

"This Saturday, huh? So only two days to come up with a brilliant plan to wow your socks off. That is quite a challenge." Jake pondered out loud, his gaze drifting away. Amy found it odd that he'd chosen to speak about impressing her, rather than the children, but she didn't want to read that much into it. He was a weirdo, anyway.

"I'll take that challenge." He announced loudly with a grin on his face. "Jake Peralta has never been someone to back away from a challenge and he's not about to start doing it now!"

 _Clearly you are desperate._ Gina's voice echoed inside Amy's head, but they weren't quite loud enough to stop her from saying: "Okay."

When she heard herself say that, she didn't really regret it, but there was an odd feeling in her stomach - maybe her gut feeling? - that reminded her not to hire this guy so easily. "But, Jake, is it?" she asked, and he nodded. "I will tell you this. This is a birthday party for my little niece Isabella, and she will have the best _freaking_ party she has ever had. If you mess this up, or if you turn out to be some sort of fraud, I _will_ find you. Trust me, I'm a detective."

Jake's head did some sort of weird twist that was in between a nod and a shake of his head. "I will not let you down, Amy Santiago. You have my clown slash magician slash genius word on that." He paused briefly, before leaning in ever so slightly. "So, detective, huh? I gotta say, I got that vibe from you when I walked in. You seemed to be very aware of your surroundings, much like a good detective should be. I did, however, manage to sneak in without you knowing and to say that you were surprised would be a massive understatement. But of course," he shrugged as he leaned back into his chair. "I do not call myself a genius for no good reason."

Amy rolled her eyes. "Please. If anything, I was distracted by the fact that I was annoyed at you. You were late."

"Yeah, like 240 seconds."

"So, four minutes."

"You act like it's a big deal."

"It is a big deal."

"No, it really isn't."

"Don't you _dare_ be late for Isabella's party."

"Okay." Amy was rather surprised.

Their back-and-forth just barely started but he was surprisingly easy to stop, and it looked like he meant it, too. For a moment, she thought she could see past his ridiculous exterior. His chocolate brown eyes that silently backed up his promise and the small smile that seemed to infinitely play around his lips.

"So... Amy, what else needs to be done for this birthday? You seem a little stressed. I could help you out. Consider it a favor from Gina, or whatever." She took a moment to calmly breathe in and out, as Jake quietly watched her from the other side of the table. At last, she was able to have a normal conversation with him. She was wondering how long it'd last, though.

"Actually, all the other things have been arranged already. It was just the clown that called in sick a few days ago."

"Damn clowns..." Jake muttered under his breath, clearly in an attempt to cheer her up a little. She rewarded him with a little chuckle.

"But it's all taken care of. Fortunately, I didn't have to do everything alone. My boyfriend's been very helpful too these past few days."

"Boyfriend?" The question mark at the end of that word was very evident in Amy's ears, and she instantly found herself shooting back into her defensive mode.

"What, you didn't think I'd have a boyfriend?"

Jake grimaced. "Actually, you seem like the exact kind of woman who'd have a boyfriend."

That answer didn't satisfy Amy either. "So I'm not someone who could live an independent life?"

"Wow, woman!" Jake reacted, putting an emphasis on the 'wow'. "What I meant, is that you are very attractive. You know, generally speaking." A hint of a blush started appearing on his cheeks. "I'm just saying that I'd be surprised if you didn't have a boyfriend because you seem, uh, you know?" He averted his gaze shyly. "Alright, I guess."

Amy could feel a pair of eyes from the table next to her burning into her skin, and it was clear that she was starting to blush too. I mean, she was getting hit on - sort of - by a guy with a ridiculous fake red nose, an equally strange hat and she didn't even want to think about his horrendous outfit. That's not exactly her description of an ideal guy. And why was she even considering all this? She had a perfectly good boyfriend just waiting for her at home.

Jake cleared his throat awkwardly. "Well, I suppose I should, uh, _skedaddle_ , just about now. I've got much planning to do." He rose to his feet, using the opportunity to lose his nervous attitude. "Bye!"

Amy still hasn't quite recovered from that strange end of their conversation and just kept on staring in the general direction of where he left the diner. The woman who was seated behind the table next to hers, slid her chair in Amy's direction.

"I'm all for that 'don't need no man' attitude that seems to be taking the world by storm these days, but if that guy loses the hat, glasses, nose and ridiculous outfit, he just might be worth power walking after." she grinned.

Her friend, who was sitting next to her, gave her a slap on the arm. "Renee!" she hissed, though it was clear that she was just as amused as Renee.

"What?" Renee tried to play the innocent card.

Amy gave her a weird look. "Oh! By 'losing the ridiculous outfit', I don't mean- oh wait. Maybe I _do_ mean that." Renee wiggled her eyebrows flirtatiously, but didn't have much time to enjoy her joke, because it had earned her another smack on the arm. "Renee, just leave that poor woman alone!"

Amy sighed in relief when Renee finally slid back to her table, but the giggling between the two ladies would not stop, and Amy wasn't sure if they were genuinely into Jake or if they were just making fun of her. Whatever the case was, she still wasn't sure if she made the right move by trusting Gina with this Jake guy. He was weird. She mentally kicked herself when she started blushing again as her thoughts trailed off back to him. He called her _attractive_.

Totally weird.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just sort of going with the flow, to be honest. I apologize for any errors you might find in this, I do not have some to proofread it for me! Anyway, I hope you like it so far. I don't write fanfiction all that much.

**Author's Note:**

> I got this idea while I was in the middle of a Workaholics episode. You know that feeling that you get when an invisible light bulb pops above your head? I instantly turned off the television and ran upstairs to my laptop, grinning like a small child. I've been wanting to write something for a while now. [creepy voice] I read all of your fanfictions.


End file.
